Here I am at home. In between jobs, literally. I’m pissed off. Pissed off at how I was treated by those at the job I just left. If I hadn’t told staff I was leaving no-one would have known about it. You see regular e-mails are sent out weekly with updates of what’s happening in the workplace.
Do you think my resigning was mentioned? Hell no. Not a sentence. Not a word. No acknowledgement whatsoever that I had worked there for what just six years. Just six years of my life. This is the thanks I get. It’s so disappointing. Too much of me was in that job. Perhaps I identified too much with it. I need to pull back and see that it is JUST a job. An important job, but just a job nevertheless. My life doesn’t revolve around it. It is what I do, not who I am. I need to be careful I don’t make the same mistake with my new job starting next week.
My identity has been too wrapped up in what I do; child care, writing, dancing. These are things I have an interest in. Things I do. They are NOT who I am. Looking back over the last six years I can see how I’ve become someone or something I’m not.
As an example when I was in my last relationship I merged with the other person. I didn’t know where he ended and I started. I got lost in it. I didn’t know who I was. So when the relationship came to an end I struggled to let it go. I struggled to accept that it had ended. It took a year to reach acceptance.
When it comes to letting go of this job (in order to start another) I don’t have a year. I only have a week. This process of letting go needs to be fast tracked, so lucky I’m at home and able to do this in my own time.
When I started writing I didn’t know where this was going, but as I’ve continued I’ve worked out the real issues behind my struggle to let go. The real reasons I feel angry, rejected and betrayed. I’ve identified with this job too much. There needs to be a separation of sorts. Not just a physical one, but mentally and emotionally. Cutting the cords. Releasing the past. This is a lesson for me. I need to learn from it and move on.
Another lesson for me is that I find change and transitions difficult. I always have. I would rather stay in a situation I know (even if it isn’t good for me) than have to face the unknown. A case of “better the devil you know.” However I can’t run away from it. Change is a part of life. Without change how would I grow? How would I learn new things?
Back to job front I guess I got angry with not being acknowledged by my now “old” workplace because it was important to me. It meant something to have my contributions and achievements recognized. What I didn’t realise till now is that just because it matters to me doesn’t mean it matters to others. I know that we all don’t see or experience life in the same way.
From this lesson should come forgiveness. Forgiveness for those I believe have done something wrong. They didn’t really do anything wrong as such. All they did was not act the way I wanted or expected them to. This is only my perception on what’s happened.
Blessings to all xx